The first week or so on Wellbutrin was a blur. We were in the process of moving from Louisiana orthopedic surgeons to Texas, and I felt a little like I was on speed. Wellbutrin contains a stimulant, so it’s different from other antidepressants in that way. I found I couldn’t drink too much coffee or alcohol, because both brought on horrible side effects when combined with the medication. I was clenching my teeth and shaking my leg a lot more, but I also wasn’t coming straight home from work and crawling into bed or spending three hours in the bathtub crying, so I accepted the side effects. Eventually, I got used to it, and the effects lessened. It helped for a while.

A couple of months ago, I found myself spiraling again. I was now living in a beautiful apartment, in the city I’d always dreamed about, with a man who loved and supported me. I had finally received my professional counselor license, a huge career step, and had a great job at a private practice. So why was I feeling out of control? Why was I sobbing uncontrollably and having daily anxiety attacks and passive suicidal thoughts? Why was I feeling like there was a crushing weight on my chest that wouldn’t go away no matter how much self-care I attempted?

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